What I Have Learned About Breeding Horses

It's the time of year when horse owners dream about breeding their favorite mare to a world champion stallion and producing the perfect horse. I have done plenty of dreaming, but I think I now hold some kind of world's record for most unsuccessful attempts to breed a mare by shipped semen (for that matter, I have managed not to produce foals even when the mare is bred the old-fashioned way). Here are some of the things I have learned about breeding horses:
1) The probability of a mare getting in foal is inversely proportional to the sum of the stallion’s stud fee and the mare’s value.
2) The success rate for breeding horses (that is, the percent of mares who produce a live foal after having been bred the previous year) is 65-75%, unless the mare is mine, in which case it is zero.
3) Most vets charge more for an ultrasound that confirms a mare is in foal than for an ultrasound that confirms she isn’t.
4) It is best to carry the annual “breeding issue” or “stallion issue” of magazines directly from the mailbox to the waste basket.
5) To an even greater degree than the horse industry in general, breeding horses is motivated by the fantasy of the perfect horse.
6) The truth is that there is only a 20-40% chance of producing a foal that is an improvement over both parents.
7) Semen shipped to other people can be lost in transit for three days and still arrive wiggling. Semen shipped to YOUR mare will arrive right on schedule, but dead.
8) Other people’s mares present them with a surprise foal the year after the vet told them the mare didn’t take. Your mare? Dream on. That’s a hay belly.
9) It is smarter to buy a nice horse with your credit card than to breed your mare. The total cost is about the same, but at least when you buy the horse on credit, you have a 100% probability of actually getting something for your money.
10) On second thought, at the current price of hay, it is better to keep spending your money on stud fees, transported semen, and vet exams. The foal you don’t get won’t cost you anything to feed or board.
11) On the other hand, if any of us made our decisions based on logic, we wouldn’t have horses at all!